Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Anger and Renewal

I'm sorry if my grief makes you uncomfortable.  Imagine how I feel!
Please stop waiting for me to change or get better and consider this just may be who I am now.  You may not like it but that is okay.  As long as I can manage and live with myself  you are not of my consquence. Can you walk in my shoes and live my life?  I am not up for apologizing for being, I just am.  I am! Maybe not how you knew me or want to know me, but here I stand, slightly a mess, but still proud that I can still stand, unassisted and without fear.  I face each day with a hopfulness that today will be better.  Imagine my dismay when it is not.  And yet each day I wake and start over.  I have learned to relish in the small triumphs, let the rest fall where it may, and having faith God will take care of the rest.  And yet you can stand in judgement of my tears and evaluate my hurt and my pain because you don't like it. If I could I would trade it all to have my life back to what it was and have my child in my arms, but I can not.  Rather than worry about me, count your blessings and search your heart for the reason you think I need something more.  Do I, or do you need to feel better? Yes, I struggle I have terrible days and I weap for my loss, but still I live and I am  and will continue to be.  Maybe not what you want for me, but what I was meant to be and how God has make me.

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