The Road Not Taken

I want to share a poem that I have long admired from my high school days.  The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.  For many years I have been able to see myself in this poem.  I have made many decisions in my life that weren't as conventional as some of my peers.  One of the major decisions, was made at the ripe old age of 13.  I wanted to follow my best friend to a private all girls Catholic high school, the Academy of St. Joseph.  That is were it all began for me. That is were I was molding my life.  It wasn't all about academics either. I learned self esteem, confidence, social skills, and more. I made some amazing friends too.  These friends I am still friends with to this day. I share a sisterhood with these women that neither time nor distance can't lessen.  Some of these women have been with me through many of the joys of my life, like my wedding day and birth of my son. And many of these women are now an essential part of my support system in this time of need.  To those of you women reading, thank you. You must know I appreciate everything you have done for me and my family and my heart swells with overwhelming pride to be your friend.

Now, in this uncomfortable time in my life, I again find myself turning to this poem.  I am fully aware I made no decision conscious or unconscious, that would have resulted in the loss of Gabriella.  But, in this unpredictable life we are forced down a road that we never intended to travel.  These roads too can make all the difference.  It is what we make of it.  We all have choices. I can choose to let this one event define me for the rest of my life. Or, I can allow this event to become apart of me and use all the beautiful, positive things I can find and make my life better, and become a better person.  Trust me it is not easy to find 'beautiful, positive' things to take away from losing your daughter.  And while years from now I don't want to be known or remembered as the 'girl who's baby died,' it is who I am right now.  I accept this. I actually find comfort in that role for now.  So, if I cry a little harder and if I laugh a little louder, it is because I am acutely aware of how delicate life is. And if I seem sad it is because I am.

This poem has been a poem over the years I have reverted back to when I have made a decision that wasn't so mainstream so to speak.  I find comfort in the poem because it reminds me that sometime 'taking the road less traveled has made all the difference,' in my life. Once again, this time in an act of fate, I find myself on the road less traveled...

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.