I went to the cemetery today and finished decorating for Easter. I am so happy with how it turned out. I know it sounds funny that I am 'happy' with it. I go to the cemetery about once a week. I know a lot of people are 'not cemetery' people, and neither was I. But, for some reason this is different for me. I don't go to the cemetery necessarily to cry, but if I do that is okay. I go to check up on things. While I am there, not only do I look to see Gabriella's garden is in good order, but, I check on the other babies too. Especially the ones who's parents we know from the bereavement group. I was talking about this with a friend as I drove away from the cemetery. I suppose the best way I can describe the pull to go to the cemetery, is nurturing. For me, going and checking up on things, decorating and such, is a form of nurturing for me. I am still her mother and I want to take care of her. Death doesn't take the urge away from a mother's heart. For now, this is all I can do for her and I am happy to do it.