Thursday, March 24, 2011


So, just when I thought I was doing so well, and holding it together, I am challenged.  This week has thrown me for a loop.  I am feeling so much anxiety. I wasn't this anxious when I lost Gabriella.  Wait, let me rephrase that. I had anxiety after losing Gabriella, now I am in a state of anxiousness.  It is like a switch was flipped and I can't find it to turn it off.

I'm sure it is a culmination of everything.  There are lots of in's and out's of my life not mentioned in this blog.  But, of course, one of the largest components, my father's health this week I am afraid has set me off. So, has it all come to a head? I am so shot and really need a vacation.  But, the vacation I need is one from my own mind.  I will not be able to have that type of vacation for some time.  It is impossible to stop thinking.  For now, my main goal is to stop feeling anxious.  The constant state of frenzy I feel within my body is unnerving and I want it to stop.  Every time, I think I am calming down, something else happens to stress me out.  These days it isn't taking much to trigger the stress switch. 

This is such a different blog... I am feel like I am rambling.  But, even still, my writting is reflecting the state of my thinking.  Which is how I typically write, what is in my heart and mind.  As I ramble on proverbial paper, so my mind rambles and races on.  I am so disconnected.  I want to focus and be clear.  I have been trying for days and it isn't happening.  I am hoping in the coming days I can.

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