I want my daughter back

I want my daughter back.  Sometimes, I seem like I am doing well, and a lot of the times I am.  But, the hurt and sorrow in my heart is not gone.  It is still there and it will sneek up on me and the pain is strong and deep.  I am so sad that I am writing about my daughter rather then caring for her.

I want my daughter back.  I only held her for a very short time, probably less than an hour.  It was not enough time.  In truth, I could have held her for hours and it would not have been enough time.  It is times like now, when I am here alone in the dark, that I miss her the most.  I wish I were holding her. I wish I could feel her breathe, I wish I was exhausted from sleepless nights filled with her cries.  Instead, I am only left with the feeling and the thought, I want my daughter back. 

Our lives are not complete without her. She was suppose to complete our family.  We were waiting for her. I miss her, I miss the idea of her, I am sad and wish this didn't turn out the way that it did.